How do I move on When the Love of My Life Leaves?

I am asked this question on a regular basis. My first response is that if the person who left you leaves willingly, they are not the love of your life. A successful relationship needs to be reciprocal, and if someone leaves another person, then obviously it was not reciprocated or equal in feelings. You may love that person, but the dynamic of the relationship has changed and you need to change with it. When you move on, other loves will come in. Continuing to dwell on the sadness and loss will hold you back. Keeping the ex in the position of the Love of Your Life will energetically hold that place in your life, blocking positive and reciprocal relationships from coming in. I tell people to think of it like tossing your jacket over the seat on a bus or in a bar next to you. With the jacket there, people are immediately given the message that the seat is taken, and move along. When you continue to dwell on the sadness, and proactively missing the person who left, you are energetically holding their seat in the relationship, sending cues out to other interested people that you are not available

My first advice in moving on is to get busy. Keeping the mind and body active helps to keep pass the time along, and is certainly more productive than trolling your ex’s Facebook page, or waiting for the person to call or text. Get out and do things. Shake up your routine a little bit. If you normal morning routine involved your ex, either by a quick good morning call or text, then you need to change your morning routine. Start your day instead with some physical activity, like a brisk walk or jog. If this is not an option for you, then maybe some morning yoga would be a good choice. The key thing is to keep the time that you would have been connecting to your ex filled with something else, that is devoted to you.

Next, I suggest removing temptation. By this mean to remove the ex from your contact list, making it less tempting or easy to send off a text or email. Obviously, if there are children involved, then this is not the most logical choice, but in those cases I would suggest changing the ex’s name in your contact list to something else, such as your child’s name, and adding “emergency contact”. It is also wise to keep the cell phone out of the bedroom at night. This limits the ability to constantly check to see if the person has reached out to you. I had one client actually go so far as to block her ex from being able to contact her. This helps to eliminate the anxiety centered on waiting to see if that person has called or reached out. If they are blocked, they can’t reach you, therefore nothing to be anxious about. This was a rather extreme move, but proved very empowering in the end. Another thing to consider is removing the ex from your social networking contacts. While “unfriending” someone may seem harsh, it may be more healing to do so, even if it is on a temporary basis. You need to consider your own feelings, and your ability to not be affected when your ex posts updates about their personal activities.

Last, I advise taking time before moving into another relationship. When you enter a relationship on “the rebound” you are energetically carrying baggage from the previous relationship that has no place in your new romance. Take some time and do some things for you. Take up a hobby. Try new things that sound interesting. Even try things that sound absurd to you. Getting yourself out in the world to rediscover what you like, or laughing at things that you tried and did not enjoy will refresh your sense of self and help cleanse your mind so that you are ready for the next person to come in. With a full reset, you will be focused on what matters, and ready to enjoy a successful connection the next time around